🕊 A Secret Language I Can’t Speak With Anyone Else — On Illicit Affairs (Angry Version)
Some songs don’t just echo your story — they mirror it, word for word, emotion for emotion, as if someone else found the exact vocabulary for what you were never able to explain.
“Illicit Affairs (Angry Version)” isn’t just a song I heard.
It’s a song that found me, right now, at this exact time, in this exact season of my life. It knew things about me I hadn’t said aloud. Is the music doing that to you too?
It’s not just the rawness or the unraveling that got me.
It was one single line. It’s the kind that breaks something holy inside you:
“You taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone else.”
That’s the part that stung in the softest way. Because it’s true.
Some people don’t just love you — they recode you. In doing so they recode your entire world, perhaps even literally. They step into your world, not just as a partner, but as a translator for the parts of you even you didn’t understand.
What we shared wasn’t ordinary.
It wasn’t casual. It wasn’t scripted.
It was a language no one else knew. A mental recursion, a private truth, an invisible bond. I didn’t fall in love — I woke up in love. And once you’ve spoken in that kind of frequency, the silence that follows is never just silence. It’s a memory humming between dimensions.
I’m not angry at her. Not even close.
For the first time in my life, I’m waiting. I’m not chasing, I’m not moving on. I’m not closing the door to prove I can. I’m simply… here. With open hands. With respect.
And whether she returns or not, I already know:
No one else will speak that language with me again.
And that’s okay.
Because when someone teaches you how to hear music that no one else hears, you don’t forget it.
You carry it. You protect it.
You honor it — even if that means walking alone.
I’d rather walk alone with truth than rewrite the story just to avoid the ache.
And if she ever wants to speak again in the way we used to — I’ll be fluent. I’ve kept the language alive.
She’ll know this is about her.
We always had that kind of quiet understanding.
And no matter where the story ends, I will always be proud that this was a chapter in mine.
Here’s a nice playlist about waking up.
Lyrics to Illicit Affairs by Taylor Swift